12 May 2013

The Bear and the Maiden Fair - Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 7

There are three weddings in A Storm of Swords. Three major, plot device weddings. And unless i'm mistaken, tonight we'll see one of them. As we learned last week, Sansa has been snatched from the loveless, but very well dressed, arms of Ser Loras Tyrell, the Night of Flowers, and instead set to be married to Tyrion of House Lannister, the Imp. Oh a tragic turn for the young Lady Stark. There are a few more moments I'm anticipating greatly, including one involving the one-handed wonder, but enough for now. Lets tune in, shall we?
Previously, we begin with the Freys wedding bargain. Loooove those hats the Freys wear. Then we stop in on the marriage discussions in King's Landing. Then on to Harrenhal, where Roose makes a deal to set Jaime free, but keeps Brienne. Dany commands the Unsullied to choose a leader, and they do. Theon's in a world of hurt. Melisandre buys Genndry from the Brotherhood, Jojen has a seizure, and Jon climbs the wall, ending in a glorious kiss, and a beautiful view. You know, for as cool as the map is in the opening credits, I really don't think the TV only viewers get a good sense of the geography in Westeros. That has worked in the producers favor at times, see the teleporting Lord Baelish in season 2, but I think a good shot of a map at some point might help. I know when I read the books the first time on Kindle, I didnt get a view of the map and it certainly helped when I did. Side track over, lets begin:

We open with the Free Folk, now south of the wall. I love when Ygritte mocks Jon Snow. I'm going to miss her. Not going to miss Orell though. He's a fucking creep. But he's dispensing some excellent advice here. When it comes to the wildlings, you truly do know nothing Jon Snow.

Meanwhile, the northern army is on the way to the Twins. Blackfish is with them, which is not supposed to be...not sure how thats going to play out. Could TV destroy another fan theory? Robb and Talisa are getting it on! It's good to be the king. HBO is really pushing for the equal opportunity ass showing. And Queen Talisa has an excellent one. Not worth losing half an army for though. Robb brings his strategy board wit him even on marches apparently. Smart man. Even in Westeros I don't think many people lay around writing letters in the nude. Robb looks very concerned looking over that map. Her mother, right, sure. Traitor. Why does Robb look constipated? A few suprises indeed. Well, that blows THAT fan theory right out of the water. We were never really sure whether Jeyne Westerling was pregnant or not, but now we know. Unless Talisa's lying of course. But if the Lannister Honeypot theory proves to not be true. then it will be a terrible thing that happens. Richard Madden has about the same romantic acting skill as Hayden Christensen tonight. Half expected him to talk about sand....

And we're back to the Wildlings. And Tormund is...humping a bag....thats more like it. He finally gave us a HAR! Yes! No mention of his giant member though....that was a perfect chance. Orell honing in on Ygritte here. Not a good decision. He also shouldn't try talking. If he wants her, he should just take her.

And now we've got weepy Sansa. Crying to Margaery it appears. Yes, Sansa you were stupid. But your time will still come. Like three books from now I'd say. Margaery makes some excellent points, and Sansa is complaining about the Imp while Margaery gets Joff. Yes, he's rather good looking. Which flies in the face of EVERY SINGLE DESCRIPTION OF TYRION IN THE BOOKS! Seriously. Hmmm, a  little bit of hinting at Margaery's proclivities there. Oh man, that is one true line. "We're very complicated, pleasing us take's practice." AMEN. Oh Sansa, you're so naive. Soooo naive. Queen Margaery essentially admits what she's done, and you miss it. Right over your head. Which is impressive at that height.
Now we've got Bronn and Tyrion, everyone's favorite bro team. Ouch. Bronn drops the Tysha-bomb on Tyrion. Not sure if it's a conscious makeup decision or not, but Tyrion looks younger tonight. I love Bronn.
Oh hey, the Iron Throne. Haven't seen that in forever. Tywin paying a visit to his royal grandson. Joff looking for insight to the small council, but denies to attend them. Oh Tywin is gonna slap this little shit down. Oh, look, they know about Dany. That can't end well. Tywin dismisses the threat of the dragons. Joffrey seems to be a little bit unneccesarily worried about this. Whats up his royal ass? Ring the bell Joff, schools in session. Verbal knockout, delivered. Joff ran roughshod over his mother, that shit ain't gonna fly with Granddaddy.

Meanwhile, lets look in on said curiosities across the sea. Yunkai awaits. Jorah's rocking some new armor, but I miss his old look. Barristan still going with the Obi-Wan look. The Khaleesi is determined to free every slave in Essos. Really annoying to blog when she talks in Valyrian. Gotta read the subtitles. Grey Worm gets a bit of face time. Man, the Unsullied really, really like bangin those shields. Oooh, whats in the chest. This guy looks awfully nervous in his slave-carriage. Holy shit those dragons are getting bigger. Dany's title gets longer every week. She would never be able to have a business card. Excellent negotiating tactic with the dragons there. So Dany gets the offer now from Yunkai she should have received in Qarth. Take all the boats you need, and GTFO of Essos. Drogon does not like this guy. He is viscious. Well that went poorly. Rhaegal is the coolest looking dragon, IMHO.

Tyrion and Shae have a moment together now. He's giving her gold chains. Boy, that might be important later. He may not rule the world, but oh boy does he rule a big part of it. Shae is really, really, unhappy with this arrangement. And once again, something happening now that should have happened a book ago. Shae was kept in a mance in the city under guard of the Hill Clan Tribesmen at first, only coming into service in the Red Keep during the battle of Blackwater, to keep her safe.

Not initially clear where we are, but great visual shot of sunken ships, as one still sails above them all. And its Melisandre, with Genndry. This crazy bitch is sailing them right underneath the shadow of the red keep. Red priestess has some serious balls. Not literally, of course, cause we've seen all there is to see, but. Great shot of the aftermath of Blackwater Bay. Is Mel about to reveal to Genndry his parentage? Thats a huge jump up. In the books, he still doesn't know. Brienne guesses later, but...holy shit..she told him. Beautiful visual of the Red Keep though. I get the why, but, its insane for Mel to risk sailing that close to enemy territory.

Arya still pissed with the Brotherhood, and who can blame her. Great line from Arya. Good to see she remembers her lessons from Syrio. And she's off. Arya bails on the brotherhood, and runs right into the arms of the Hound. Bet you all thought we were done with Sandor, didnt you? (All, of course, meaning tv only folk)

Jaime pays a last visit to Brienne before he sets off to King's Landing. And he drops an important plot point as well. Roose will be joining Robb at the Twins for the wedding. Brienne gets left with Locke, aka, the Wanna-be Vargo. Brienne transferring her oathed duties to Jaime. And I think we can all take him at his word now when he swears it. Aww, how sweet, she didnt call him Kingslayer. Awfully hard to mount a horse with only one hand eh, Kingslayer? Qyburn is going to ride back with Jaime. He manages to look creepy even doing nothing. And oh boy do you all need to remember that line. "The Lannisters send their regards." Changed a bit, for no reason, of course, but oh well. Locke makes osme douchey threats to Jaime on the way out, and fade to...

Theon. Well on his way to becoming the living sigil of House Bolton. Well, those are certainly an improvement over his last torturer. Well, good to know Theon's still got that. Wisely suspicious, but not smart enough. Theon is the most confused man in westeros right now. But he's still a man, at least. Well, thats interesting. I dont know who these two are or what they're playing at. Ah, the +5 warhorn of cockblocking. Even I'm getting sick of that sound Oh no..please don't show this. Not a man, just Reek. It rhymes with meek....

Now we've back with the Free-Folk. Nice little touch showing the close up of Ygritte's arrow fletching. If they keep that for later it will matter. And she shuts Jon Snow up nicely on this shot. Burned out windmill. Is that meant to be the same one that Theon took the children from. Kit Harrington trying hard not to laugh out loud at Rose Leslie's acting there. The interaction between the two of them has been tremendous. Interesting moment of tension here. Jon is not really carrying out Quorin's orders here. Nice job interrupting the catchphrase. Manse Rayder is different, but not that different. Yes, thats right. Us. Thats a great line. "If we die we die, but first, we live."

Ah, Bran and the Reeds. Not seeing any Direwolves. Osha has given up on talking to Meera, and tries to get a response out of Hodor. Which, of course, will only get you a Hodor. Ok, I'm gonna rant a moment here, because I'm going to object to this. In the books, Osha is the ONLY person in Winterfell who encourages Bran's wolf dreams before the Reeds arrive. Now, the tv show, for some inexplicable reason has turned her from Mulder to Scully. Bran has aged alot here. Gonna be tough to keep him young looking as the show moves on into the later books. I really don't like this change in Osha. I'm gonna assume this is leading to her taking Rickon back south. I do not recall if this little story is from the books or not. I like it either way, and I think it is, but I'm not sure at all. Really have to progress further in my re-read. Chilling (pun unintended) description of a wight from Osha. Sidebar, if Jojen plans on them getting north of the wall, without going to Castle black, what precisely does he have in mind? Climbing the wall with a child, a cripple, and weakling? Good luck.

Back to Qyburn and Ser Jaime now. Oooh, nice little background into Qyburn perhaps? He's a sick, sick, man. Sick burn Kingslayer. 300 gold dragons for Brienne? Thats a pretty good ransom. Unless you're expecting Brienne's weight in thappireth. Which, while it saved her at the time, is more or less Jaime's fault now. That new fangled conscience is really wearing on Ser Jaime. He's really playing up the "who chopped off my hand" card with these guys. God that castle is a mess. I know its a ruin, but it is supposed to be a liveable mess. I love this song. Oooh, gladiator games. Brienne shows amazing bravery with a wooden sword against a giant, actual bear. Locke is such a dick. Hehe. Great foreshadowing there. And Jaime jumps into the bear pit. Gonna take more than one crossbow bolt to stop that bear. Jaime just can't get a handle on this climb. Sorry, couldn't resist. Recognize that instrumental music? That's the Reynes of Castamere for those who forgot. The song of Tywin's power, and Jaime is coming into that power.

So turns out I was wrong about the wedding for this episode. I really expected to see Tyrion and Sansa get hitched tonight. But I suppose that will keep for next week. This episode was written by George RR Martin, and compared to his previous two episodes (Baelor in Season 1 and Blackwater in Season 2) it was a bit underwhelming. The dialogue between Jon and Ygritte was phenomenal once again, this season I feel we're finally connecting with Kit Harrington as Jon Snow. Its about time. I really dislike the swap around on Osha. Also kind of annoyed they can't manage to get Summer into one of these scenes. He's so important to Bran. Same for Grey Wind with Robb. It's like we've completely ignored them. They are as important to the Starks as the Dragons are to Dany, if not more. Three episodes to go. Two weddings (the third will be next season), at least one funeral. Given that GRRM wrote this episode and the theme of the Bear and The Maiden Fair, I'm suprised we didn't learn about Jorah's betrayal. Or rather, that Dany didn't learn about it. We already know from season 1. Next week we should meet Daario Naharys, Sellsword extraordinaire. I'm fairly certain that was him we saw teased in the "next week on". If he's anything like he is in the books, some female readers will love him, all male viewers will hate him, and he'll be responsible for more or less every single terrible decision the Khaleesi will make for the next three books. But thats all from me this week. Till next time, remember what we say to the God of death - Not Today
- The Penguin

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