28 April 2013

"Kissed by Fire" - Game of Thrones S03E05

Welcome back all. Sorry, no blog last week, I just wasnt' happy with the way it read. But we're back on track now. Tonight, we find out what the Wildlings mean when they say "Kissed by Fire". And, if my assumptions are correct, we might just learn about another type of kiss. For my non-reader friends, I'd like you to guess now, what a "Lord's Kiss" means. If you can. So go ahead and remember that guess for later. We'll come back to it. Lets take a look in at the recap, see what hints it gives us.
Politcal machinations in King's Landing, Melisandre's red magic, Karstark's are pissed at Catelyn and Robb, Jaime lost his hand, Locke is a deuche-nozzle, Robb's got a few hostages (because Edmure screwed up), Melisandre had Davos locked up, NED!!!! We're reminded Jorah once worked for Varys as a spy, Thoros and Berric are going to try the hound, and Dany took what she wanted with fire. Lots and lots of fire. Not a single shot of Jon and Ygritte, which could kill my theory about the title's meaning, but we shall see. In the books, kissed by fire is how the wildlings describe anyone with red hair. Such as Ygritte. But maybe we're going to see it as more an allusion to the red priest's powers, specifically something Thoros may do. WHOA! Change in the credits. Mereen is passed right over and Yunkai is revealed! 2/3rds of Slaver's bay now unlocked to us. And lets begin:

Thoros gets the first scene, praying to R'hllor before the trial by combat. Asking the Red God to stand judgement over the combat. Takes a little blood from Berric, and voila! Flaming sword. And not cheap ass wildfire either. For those that don't recall, the Hound HATES fire. Its the answer to the question "do you wanna know how I got these scars?" Fire and an asshat brother. This is a great fight. The Hound is stronger, no doubt, but Berric is faster. And has fire. Sandor's shield catches ablaze. And the Hound strikes true. Berric is down and out. Thoros prays over the dying, and the Hound takes a dig at Arya, and oh dear lord the dead man's talking. Good place to cut.

We move north to the Wildlings now. Good to know. Orell is one ugly man. Jon fitting right in, gathering wood with Ygritte, who, of course only wants his wood. Jon gives away a bit of info, but of course no more than Mance could have told them before. Tormund, much to everyones frustration, still has not said anything about his member. We have to deal with Pod the player, but not Tormund's member. But I digress. Jon reveals the terrible truth of the Nights Watch. 19 castles, only three manned. Each end and the center. Realistically, the Wildlings should know this for truth, but it appears Orell is testing Lord Snow. Tormund taking a strange backseat in this. Oh man, thats a great line. "What happens to your eagle after I kill you? Does it float way like a kite with it strings cut? Or does it just flop down to the ground?" And theres Tormund stepping up. And here we go. This should be fun. Wait...hold on a second. Jon would not say seven hells. He holds the old gods. Not the new. YES!!!!!!!!!! Now thats what I'm talking about! Jon's gonna have to break his vows here to hold what he was told to do. The things he has to do for the watch. BEST USE OF A LINE EVER! And there it is. The Lord's Kiss. Anyone get it right? I find it hard to believe that the water they just jumped into is warm enough to stay in and not freeze. Just say yes Jon. Life will be so much easier.

And back to the Brotherhood. The Hound learning the hard way what outlaw means. Arya is not pleased.
Well that was quick. Now we've got Locke and company arriving in Harrenhal. Time for some Roose action. Bolton is not likely to be pleased about Locke's hack job. Interesting way for Roose to tell Jaime about the Battle of Blackwater. Oooh, little more backstory on Qyburn. I like it. This guy fits my mental image pretty well. Oh man I am glad i haven't eaten recently.

Now we're back to the capitol. Baelish gets a suprise visit from the Queen Regent. Cersei is not half as threatening as she thinks she is, especially since Petyr knows he's got one foot out of the city already. And now Tyrion is meeting with Lady Olenna. And Lady Olenna lays the verbal smackdown. Tyrion is out of his league here. She makes some excellent points here about the neccesary expenses for the wedding. Tyrion seems impressed by how badly he just got verbally beaten.

Now we've got Genndry and Arya. Genndry plans on staying with the Brotherhood. A smart choice. He wants to be a free man. A touching plea from Arya here. You could be family, if you married him. But theres that small matter of a Frey wedding promise that you don't know about. Though that does seem to be the Stark way.

Here are the two Lannister boys we saw last week. The sounds of battle outside, and here's Rickard. Lord Karstark seems to have decided to take matters into his own hands. And now we have two little dead Lannisters. Lady Talisa looks disgusted. This is going to throw a whole new pile of fuel on the fires of those who believe in the Lannister Honey trap theory. I've not written it off myself. Oh boy Robb looks pissed. This is a great scene. Robb has grown so much here. And oooh, nice right hook from the Blackfish.  Bold words from a man who just killed two children. Whoa. Talisa just agreed with Catelyn. Talisa now playing against the Honey Trap theorists. The Young Wolf knows what must be done. Even if it is the wrong move in the end. He learned that from his father. Too soon? Robb now is going to show off something else he learned from his father. The man who passes the sentance swings the sword. And off in one shot. Something Theon never did learn.

Arya back to her prayers now. And she sees right through Thoros' double speak. They really are the Merry Men of Westeros. One complaint I would like to file, they did not make Berric pretty enough. Berric will now explain his magic powers of resurrection. Much like the shadow magic, there is a limit. There is a price to magic, and it takes a piece of you every time. Out of all the Stark children, none has it rougher than Arya.

Who is this now? Could it be Selyse Baratheon? The Mannis returns to his Queen! This wasn't really well done in the last season. After all, Stannis only knows of the Lord of Light because of his Queen. Hmm, slightly diffferent pronunciation than I expected for her name. Out of curiousity, any chance we'll see Shireen this season? Whoa, so not only are we going all out with the relevation of Stannis banging Melisandre, but Selyse is ok with it? And WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!?! Selyse has a fetus wall? Has she been hanging out with the Governor of Woodbury? What the.....Also, one of them is named Edric? Thats just not right. Not at all. Ah, so Shireen does exist. And apparently is hidden away....you guys know I was kidding about the Governor thing right. Oh thats creepy.....she's singing Patchfaces song. I know, I know, oh, oh oh. That poor girl. Greyscale is a hell of a disease. I do like the touch of her friendship with Davos. You don't believe that Stannis. Not even for a second. I can see it in your eyes. So no Patchface eh? We're just totally ignoring the fools in this world apparently.

Brienne the beauty bathing herself beneath Harrenhal. And oh lord I did not need to see the Kingslayer's ass. HBO goes equal opportunity at least. We got Ygritte, the women folk get him. I'll take that trade. If they play this scene out book accurate, this could be one of the best moments of the series. Low blow Jaime. Low blow. And there's Brienne's ass. Oh HBO, sexposition once more.The heel-face turn continues. And here we go. So, Ser Jaime, why did you kill the Mad King? Long story short, Aerys was a fire-loving shit head. I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy this. See you in a few moments. So, is everyone looking at the Kingslayer in a different light now? Ordered to kill his father and knowing that the city was about to be lit on fire, only then did he break his oath. If nothing else, everyone should be fully on board with just how much of a nut-job Aerys was. There it is again. Ned Stark was far too honorable for this world. Its a sad truth. But it is one that people have to come to grips with. He had few bigger fans than I. Rest in Peace Lord Eddard

Shireen sneaks down to the dungeons to see Ser Davos. And we're face with the realization that Ser Davos, up-jumped smuggler, cannot read. But oh boy, when he learns.... Haha. Nice touch. A-e-g sounds like Egg. Good little nod to the Dunc and Egg prequels.

Oooh. Nice fade. Barristan the Bold and Ser Jorah trading old war stories. Ah yes, the siege of the Iron Islands. Theres a hard truth from Ser Barristan. Robert was a good man, a great warrior, but a terrible King. Interesting show of camaraderie between the two old men here. Barristan the Bold longing for something powerful to believe in. Is that Danerys? Oooh, time to name an Unsullied. Dany has allowed the eunuchs to choose their own leader. And this one has the honor to be Grey Worm, commander of the Khaleesi's Unsullied. Major, major kudos to the language experts HBO hired for this show. And heres an interesting point. In the tv show, Barristan the Bold did NOT sit on the small council. But in the books he did. So he knew about the arrangement Ser Jorah had with the Spider. Jorah with a nervous moment there. Does Barristan know he was a paid informer? Or not. Little bit of a dick-measuring contest between the two knights. I hope Jorah knows how badly Barristan can whoop his ass.

Robb staring at a war table now. The Karstarks have left, as expected. So with the Freys out, which the show has largely ignored, Robbs pretty well screwed. Talisa petitioning her lord husband to return home and win back the north from the Greyjoys. Not a terrible idea at this point. And he gets battlefield inspiration from his own situation. Robb wants Casterly Rock. But for soldiers, he's going to need the Freys. But how to get them back? And how is that, I wonder?

Now we've got Margaery and Sansa having a little girly time while Ser Loras trains. Oh, and hey, in case you were wondering, Loras is still gay. Knight of Flowers indeed. Who is this strange new man? Wait whaaaattt? Baelish you sly dog. Man he is good. Well, that at least answers the question of how the Lannisters found out. Honey trap indeed. True friend and pedo-bear that is. Sansa needs one of those robots from Lost in Space. Danger Sansa Stark! Danger! Oh man Cersei's smile is not going to be a good thing for anyone else in this room. Sansa is the heir to Winterfell. Another great line. This is a plot, plots are not public knowledge. I would pay good money to play poker against Cersei. No hiding anything. And there's the bombshell. If you think Tyrion's reaction is bad, wait till you see Sansa's. Terse family moment. For those that don't remember, Tyrion's last marriage ended poorly. Major anger between the Lannister men here. Wait what? Cersei to Loras? Where the hell did that come from? Tywin Lannister is not getting himself any votes for father of the year here.

And we end with Shireen singing Patchface's song. Creepy as hell. For those tv only friends of mine, Patchface is the fool employed by King Stannis to entertain his daughter. However, he suffered an unfortunate drowning experience and was never quite the same. Some say he saw the face of the Drowned god, some that he just went nuts. But either way, he's always saying weird and creepy things about life under the sea. Its a big unsettling to me that Shireen has taken up that habit. Also on that note, as I said earlier, it seems that the fools and their ilk have been mostly left out of the tv adaptations. No moonboy entertaining at court. No jester singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" to cover the sounds of Sansa and Lady Olenna's convesation about Joffrey. In fact, barring the brief moment when Sansa saved Ser Dontos' life, we've not seen him at all. Oh well. Not a major point, just something worth discussing.

I know this episode lacked a big "dracarys" type moment, but I loved it. It felt truly longer than its one hour showtime, and not only because I kept rewinding certain parts. There was so much story packed in. I like the show better when it focuses on only a few story lines per episode. Which, incidentally, is something I was think about earlier. This show is going to be in a lot of trouble soon. Not next season, but the season after that when they move into the material from "A Feast for Crows" and "A Dance With Dragons" These two books happen simultaenously, and there is ALOT of story in there, taking place over far more diverse locations than we're in now. Expect another blog outlining what I expect there soon. But back on topic, I loved this episode. Alot. We're halfway done with the season, and I expect only great things as we go forward. There are still two or three major events to happen this season, and plenty more for next season as well. Some weddings, some funerals, some battles, and a whole lot more. Till next time, may you feast in the halls of the Drowned god. What is dead may never truly die.
- The Penguin

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