07 April 2013

Dark Wings, Dark Words

These words, often spoken by Starks and others about the Westerosi postal service, the Ravens, provide the title for tonights episode. Season 3's first episode was panned as being a slow introduction, which is neccesary in a way, but fans will want to see more direct action I feel. "Valar Dohaerys" was watched by millions, and it has already become the most pirated show ever, according to several tracking sites. HBO's on, the laptops charged, here we go.  You know the drill with spoilers. Ye've been warned. 

Side note before we get started, these commercials for other HBO shows do NOT make me want to watch any of them. VEEP looks retarded, Girls looks like the most obnoxious shit on tv, and newsroom looks like pretensious shit. Commercials over, here's the preview, and away we go! 

"I want to fight for the side that fights for the living." Great line. The more I think about it, the more I like the change in the convo between Jon and Mance. Still not sure why Ghost is at the fist of the first men either. If Varamyr isn't cast (I'm not sure he is) then its less important, but if he is, then that would be our chance for them to truly start mentioning the word Warg, which will become more important. Perhaps if we see the Reeds tonight we'll get it through Bran. Also, if we dont get Orell, that will deny us the very real show of Melisandre's powers when she shoots down his eagle later on, but more on that when we get there. 

And we open with Bran in a green dream. I don't remember the emphasis on the bow & arrow in the books, but not a big deal. And here's his friend the 3 eyed crow. And now he's hearing Robb and Jon. Nice touch, bringing Lord Eddards voice. And who's this? Jojen Reed maybe? Damn those wolves have gotten bigger. Hodor hodor hodor. Natalie Tena, I will be sad to see you go. But sadder still if you don't because that would be a very unneccesary change. 

Flash to Robb now. Talisa, it was brought to my attention this week, very clearly missing the accent that every single other character from across the sea has. And here's Roose. Well, he obviously knows about the marriage. I was wondering. Ah, and Robbs going to Riverrun. That'll get him out of Harrenhal. And here's Catelyn getting the news. Should've been long ago, because it would have made her release of Jamie Lannister make much more sense. But good she knows now.

FLAYING TIME!!!!! Theon is in for some shit here. Squeamish folk, look away. 

And here we are with Westeros' favorite buddy cop team. Brienne the Beauty and the Kingslayer. Boy did I not need to see Jamie pissing. Nikkolai Coster-Waldeau is phenomenal. And even after Renly's dead they'll pile on the gay bashing. LOL. "You're far too much man for him." This sequence is one of my favorite parts of the book. Oh god, I'll never get the image of an Iron Throne of cocks out of my mind. It burnnnnsss! Well that was a random encounter. Are they rolling on a table for this? Jamie playing the devil on the shoulder.

Joffrey getting a fashion lesson now. Cersei revealing her insecurities to Joffrey. I feel bad for Jack Gleeson. No matter what he does after next year, he will always be in peoples minds for playing this sick little bastard (and playing him so well). Man, put a crown on Joffrey's head and he doesn't give a shit about what mommy says. Good for him. That bitch is nuts. Whoa. You're calling her a harlot? Just because the show left out you fucking seven different guys, doesnt make you not a whore. Joffery with the verbal bitch slap on mommy! Excellent! 

No no Sansa, listen to Shae! Listen to Shae! Odd that we're seeing her more with Sansa then we are with Tyrion. And Loras is still not wearing his white cloak. A little odd. The Knight of Flowers is laying it on a bit thick here. We all know he wasn't looking at you Sasna. Renly was sitting behind you. Olenna Tyrell time! I'm so excited for this. The Queen of Thorns is an excellent player. I love that line! This woman is one of the best characters in the books. Excellent portrayal! Sophie Turner is taller than Natalie Dormer I think. But oh what a pair. And here's the kicker. Dish on Joffrey. Spill it all Sansa. Olenna knows instantly she can't let Margaery marry this little asshole. There are few better players in the Game of Thrones. I cannot emphasize this enough. 

Grey Wind getting a little bit of screen time. Lord Karstark is playing his part quite well. And theres the truth of it. Robb needs the Freys. Lady Stark and Talisa with the frosty encounter. Catelyn has every reason to be, with the way this was presented in the show. In the books, obviously, she had to be more contrite since her fuck-up was covered only by Robbs equal fuck up. Odd choice of story here for Cat to tell. Well, she failed on that. She was never a mother to Jon. I don't see how this war is because of that. 

Mance and Jon now. I'd like to see the musical side of Mance here, but I don't think we will. Excellent motivational tactics from Mance there. Ah, excellent, here's our warg. Orell. Creepy eye effect. Technically, no, Rose, he hasn't. He is one, but he doesn't know it yet. And his siblings only took that ability on after he left them. 

Sam getting some shit from one of the assholes of the watch. Good set up for the revolt against JoMormont. Oh for fucks sake Sam, get up. Dolorous Edd has been great. Good setup for the Sam the Slayer storyline. "I forbid you to die." Excellent. I love the Old Bear. Its a shame his son was such a disapointment. Looks like a nice day in Iceland, err..I mean, beyond the wall. Nice in that its not snowing at least. 

Meanwhile, back to Bran. Oh boy is Summer gonna rip this guys throat out if he's not Jojen Reed. That is one angry wolf. Oh, what a good doggy. Worlds worst guard wolf though. Bran looks a little nervous. He should recognize the name Reed. Ned always spoke well of Howland. 

And here we have Arya, Hot Pie, and Genndry. And here we have the Brotherhood without Banners! Anguy the Archer making his presence known. The producers are going to be in trouble with Maisie Williams I think. She'll be far too pretty for how Arya's described. Thats Thoros? Not how I remember his description. Hah! Excellent shot. 

Tyrion gets his first appearance for tonight. Shae waiting for him in bed, that'll disturb him. Oh good. She's going to spill the beans on Baelish to Tyrion. Yes, thats how he knows her. That, and he fucked her in Winterfell. Shae with a little whore envy here. Tyrion getting himself in trouble here. This is a nice foreshadowing for how Shae is going to (in the tv show at least) feel when Tyrion gets betrothed. Joff does love his crossbow. The King is getting a little testy with Lady Margaery. This will not score points with Olenna. Margaery, btw, learned at her grandmother's side, there is no doubt there. The princess of flowers will certainly be an excellent player. Yes, everyone, she's talking about anal. Take note all, the Lannisters do NOT support marriage equality. God damn she's good. Damn. Nice shot Joff. Interesting exchange there. 

Oh boy, this is not good for Theon. I'm gonna assume this guy is Ramsay. Maybe HBO should get them some name tags. At least Theon's still got all his skin. Nope. Good misdirection. This will be Ramsay. Posing as Reek. No way Asha (Yes, Asha is her real name. Not Yara) sent him. Reek, Reek, it rhymes with sneak.
Warg has turned out to be important here. Almost like someone predicted that earlier. Good to see the education of Bran by Jojen. Not sure entirely why Asha and Rickon are still with them. Whats it going to take for them to realize the split is important. Dear Lord, I want to meet Howland Reed. That man has all the answers. 

Back to the Brotherhood. Thoros is drunk, apparently.... He's supposed to be sobered up now that he's found religion. Work on that grip little one. Your dancing master would be most displeased. They've got Sandor! God can I not wait for this fight. And way to spoil the suprise Hound. 

I love me some Jamie and Brienne. YES!! Fight time! Jamie looking a little jedi-esque with those rags. God he's good. Shackled, weakened, beaten, under-fed, and still holding his own. Even if Brienne is holding back a little. I'm quite upset that these are Bolton's men finding them, not Vargo Hoat. No lisp. And now we won't ever hear anyone say thappireth. Or Kingthlayer.

And that's all folks. Much better pacing than last week. Could have done without the whole Catelyn hates Jon Snow thing, another few minutes with the Reeds or over in Essos would have been preferred instead, or even the novel idea of getting to Riverrun tonight. I've been very much looking forward to seeing the castle that rules the Riverlands, and the Blackfish, and cocky Sir Edmure. Though he should be less cocky since in the tv show world, he never got his "defeat" over Tywin. 

Lots of good things teased in the trailer. Dany with the unsullied, Stannis the Mannis, Jon getting his orders from Mance, the show-down at Craster's, Arya gets away from the brotherhood, and Theon makes his first escape attempt from the guy who's totally not Ramsay Snow (WINK WINK). Till then, I'd recommend all of you who haven't already go buy the books and read them. You'll be doing yourself a big favor. I'm planning on re-reading myself when I have the time. So basically never. Till next week all, may the old gods and the new keep you all. 

- The Penguin

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